7 Tips to Moving On

     If you've read my prior post, you know that I chose to break up with my boyfriend of seven months. I had been loosely debating if he was the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and some of his recent actions had answered for me. I didn't want to be angry or upset, but after the break up, he continued to text and direct message me over three separate apps. Finally, today, I think all of the messaging and texting is over and we can both finally move on. 

    I've spent a lot of today answering questions about myself, writing, and reading about how to get over someone, but here is my spin on it.

1. Do not text them

    Yea, I know. I screwed up this part which is why I feel like I can talk about it. The break up was my decision and my doing, but of course leaving my best friend still hurt really badly. When I broke up with him, it was an in person action, and he made no effort to change my mind or fix it. That night though, when I was in bed about to go to sleep, he texted me. 

    

    I was up in bed for another hour trying to answer his questions and asking to be left alone because I had to get up and go to work in the morning. The next day, my cousin texted me and I found out the things that my ex was saying. It upset me, so I tried reaching out to simply apologize. My apology turned into hours of him angry, begging for me back, or trying to explain himself. 

    Again, this morning, I woke up to a video he sent me. I responded to show my frustration and ask for him to stop messaging, but instead I had another hours worth of useless conversation. I was unable to move on and it made the whole situation hurt more. 

    If a breakup has been decided in a relationship, continuing communication will do absolutely nothing but drag out the pain and heartbreak. This includes messages, Instagram, SnapChat, Emails, Facebook, TikTok and anything else out there that allows you to talk to them. And as upsetting as it may be, if they cannot respect your decision to cut out communication, then blocking them may be the best option.

2. Allow yourself to cry

    If you're anything like me, appearing tough and unaffected is extremely important. I also have puffy eyelids for up to three days if I cry, which is a dead give away. I honestly just don't want anyone to think anything is wrong, and I definitely don't want to have to explain myself to them.

    When we broke up, I had two tears roll down my cheeks. I went to work the next morning, and through all of my wishes to just go home and ball my eyes out, I could not. Finally, last night, I just sat in the tub and balled my eyes out. 

    As unfun as crying may be, sometimes we have to in order to really get the emotions out. Sometimes we have to cry more than once. Sometimes more than twice. We might have to cry on and off for months depending on our relationship with that person. Just don't force yourself to hold it in. 

3. Use your support circle

    This one frustrated me in all the other blogs. They all said to go out with your friends, but I don't really have many, and that is due to this relationship. 

    

    A support circle could be your family, friends, church family, or a stranger that you meet who is willing to listen to your story. Just allow yourself to vent to a person who is willing to listen, find a shoulder you can cry on, and allow yourself to open up and share this rough time with other people. 

    If you do not have a support circle, look for one. Take this time that you used to invest in your partner and look for new friends!

4. Do not take that quiz

    Yes, that online quiz. Which one did you find? I've taken them all. No flowchart quiz knows nearly enough about your intimate and unique relationship to know what decision you should make. All it's going to say is if they didn't cheat, lie, or abuse you, then you should stay. I'm sorry, but we all deserve better than that criteria. 

    Also, spending all that time taking those quizzes when you should be focused on other things is just allowing you to fill your mind up with more thoughts of them. Take a walk instead, listen to some music, set some goals.

5. Throw it away, hide it, destroy it

    All of their things. One of the three. Taking their clothes back gives you opportunity to talk and that will lead down the same sad and painful road that we're trying to get off of. Honestly, I still have a jacket that I borrowed from my ex, two chairs that my dad fixed for his mom, a vase of flowers, stuffed animals, and I am currently wearing shoes that he gave me as an anniversary gift. And I'm sure he still sleeps with the blanket I gave him, wears the custom hoodie that I made him, has my photo in his wallet, uses the wallet and knife that I gave him everyday, along with the wine glasses and chopsticks that I bought us. 

    No, I am not getting rid of any of these things. My father is taking me to drop off the chairs and hoodie so that I don't have to go alone, I'm patiently waiting and watching for the flowers to die, and the stuffed animals and shoes were a gift from him, but they are mine now and I love them. 

    With that being said, the posts, gift boxes, photos, and everything else of that manner were gone the day that I ended things. Today, I unfriended him on Pokémon, took his Spotify playlists off of my liked playlists, and unfollowed him on social medias. I cut up the polaroid's and threw away the disposable that only had pictures of us. 

    This is one step that hurts quite a bit, but the little reminders throughout your day will only make it harder. Not everything must go, but anything that pulls on your heart strings or causes tears to swell in your eyes must go, even if it's temporarily, 

6. Continue with life

    Keep up your new exercise regimen, continue to eat well, don't put a pause on everything. I know how easy it would be to just curl up in bed for the next few days or weeks and cry that time away, but that won't help. Self pity will help with healing, but more than a week or so and we've stumbled into unhealthy territory.

    

    We may be taking someone we really like or love out of our lives, but that doesn't mean life is over. Continuing to keep up daily activities, go out with friends and family, and take care of yourself is extremely important. 

    If that person is carved into all of our old things, maybe find new things to integrate in your day that make you happy. Trade out the same taco Tuesday that you shared for Thai Tuesday. If that person was your reason and encouragement to workout,  make a new playlist that gets your heartbeat pumping and find an app like the one in my linktree to start working out with. 

7. You are making progress

    Your ability to stop texting them, to keep going with your days, to talk about it, to cry about it, those are all growth and progress. You're doing great already and I hope that you can grow to learn and understand that you deserve the best of the best and that you shouldn't settle for anything less than what you want. You can do this, and remember that I'm doing it with you. 

    If you need any help with self love, mental health, or growth while you move on, please check out my Pinterest for tips, tricks, and ideas @alexisraynetheexister.

I love you <3