Reconnecting

     As much as we don't want to admit it, there's always that one person that you think about no matter how long it's been. There's the risky text that you want to send, the profile that you lowkey want to stalk, and the hope that person thinks about you too. Well, to answer all of your lingering questions, here's my story and advice on such matters. 

1. Check in With Your Mental Health   

    Have you healed from the situation that you were in with that person? Are you strong enough for them to walk away from you or shut you down at the first attempt? Even more important, are you strong enough to leave at the first sign that this reconnection isn't good? 

My story... 

    Very recently I reconnected with an old friend who once had the opportunity to become more. There were a lot of circumstances the last time we spoke that simply didn't allow for us to continue as friends, let alone more that friends. We spoke over Snap Chat for a few hours and then it was over. We reconnected, we discussed our healing, our current situations, and plans for our close future, then we said goodbye and unadded each other. 

    When I first reached out to this old friend, I knew better than to even expect a response. When he responded, I knew even a friendship was unintelligent at this point. As we spoke, we came to a mutual understanding that we had grown, matured, and healed so much without each other, that if we were to be in consistent contact, we would stop or even reverse our growth. 

2. Know Your Intentions

    What are you expecting? Closure? Rebuilding a burnt bridge? An argument? Make sure that you know what you want and are expecting before you reach out to an old friend, lost family member, or past significant other. Without knowing, it is far too easy to stray from good and healthy conversations right back into the reason you lost your original connection with this person. 

My story...

    I had no clue what I wanted from texting this boy. Absolutely zero clear intentions because I was almost positive that he'd never respond. When he did respond, we automatically fell back into our old ways, which I wanted but should've known better than to allow. Finally, the subject changed and we talked about real life stuff and our personal progress. I found myself in tears of joy three or more times, full of pride for him and who he's becoming. 

3. Understand When It's Time To Leave 

    Sometimes, a reconnection is only necessary to add comfort, understanding, or knowledge. Sometimes, a reconnection lasts a life time. It's best to take a good look at your reconnection and think of where it is now, where it's heading, and the different places it could lead. Is it going to help you grow, mature, heal, and become successful as a person, or is it going to have more negative effects than positive effects? 

My story...

    From the beginning, I knew this reconnection was going to be extremely short lived and that was the best and only option for both of us. Leaving before I got too comfortable or attached was absolutely necessary to avoid any pain or heartbreak. In only a few hours, I understood that we'd covered everything necessary to allow closure, comfort, and for us to truly move on. Plus, I had to get up early in the morning and it was getting late. I said good night, wished him the best, and left. 

    

Did I check my phone a dozen times before being able to actually sleep? Yes. I did understand that it was over for now? Yes. And in the morning, when I saw that he'd unadded me, I unadded him as well. 

4. Prepare for It to Not Go How You Want

    Sometimes, the other person doesn't want to reconnect. Maybe they're not ready to face the old situation or they're still working on healing. We have to be ready for them to not respond, be upset, or even lash out at us. Others do not heal, process, and grow the way you do and it could take a lot longer for them to be ready to reconnect. Allow them that privacy, time, and consideration without taking the rejection personally. 

My story...

    I have deleted messages before even opening them. I have texted people and gotten absolutely zero response. I have blocked accounts simply for reaching out to me.  When I am ignored, I move on and allow myself to forget and forgive that person. 

And, Finally

    Some people are meant to stay gone, and some people we just need a vacation or break from. Some bonds will never repair and others should have never broken in the first place. Whatever is best for your mental, physical, and emotional health is always the best decision to make, even if it's difficult at times. Always know not to take rejection or painful actions of others personally and know that you should always come first. 

I love you so very much and I am so proud of you.