Recovering After a Breakup

 

    Breakups absolutely suck. That's just the truth. Trust me, I have had my share of bad relationships, break ups, rebounds, and complete heartbreak. Due to my experiences, I feel as though I am able to provide you with a little guidance on how to move on based on what's helped me.

    First, I will provide a little background to stabilize my opinion. My most recent relationship was fine I guess...he just wasn't the person that I wanted to commit to spending the rest of my life with, so I ended it. Before that, I was stuck as the side chick in a long distance relationship and as much as I wanted to leave, the guy would threaten with suicide, so I was unable to until I dmed his girlfriend so that my part in the relationship could end. Before him, I was in an abusive relationship with a guy who ended up ghosting me. And in my first relationship, I was cheated on at least seven times.

    To say the least, I've had my share of good and bad and I've had a few things to recover from, so here is my list of advice! :)

1. Get Angry 

    It's upsetting! You can't tell me it isn't. Either they left and you didn't necessarily want for them to or you got to the point where you just couldn't take it anymore. That's okay! Get mad. Get absolutely pissed off if you want to. You have that right and no reason to sit around and be sad when there are things that genuinely upset you! Allow yourself to be more than just sad and lonely, let yourself get mad!

    

    Did they give you that hard, breakable thing? I hope so. Let's break it! Don't cut the pictures, rip them! Get angry!

    Honestly, as much as it sucks that they're gone, more than likely it's for the best, especially in the long run. We have to hope that that's true and allow ourselves to go through all of the emotions that we should go through when we loose someone. 

2. Self Care 

    I wanted to lay in bed, cry, and text my ex for three or four days after I broke up with him. That is it. There was no desire to bathe or get ready or anything at all. Yet, I had work and school everyday. No matter what we choose to do, the world will continue to turn and we don't want to be left behind. It's not that easy to just keep going though. 

    What I like to do is turn on a bad bitch playlist and put my phone away then pamper myself. I take a long, relaxing bath with a bath bomb, shave, exfoliate, and thoroughly wash. Then, I get out and put on my fluffiest robe and a face mask. I cover myself with lotion and something that smells super yummy and then I meditate. 

    You obviously don't have to do exactly what I do, but I highly recommend giving yourself a little love and attention after focusing on someone else like we do when were in relationships.  

3. Find Yourself 

    It is so typical of us to practically loose ourselves in a relationship. Our partner becomes a lot of our identity and personality. While were in the relationship, this isn't preferred but it's mostly fine and a lot of couples tend to do this. 

    

    It's intelligent to try and refind yourself as a person after leaving a relationship. Revisit activities and hobbies that you did before being with them and try those old things again. Maybe you love those things or maybe you've grown out of them. Reconnect with old friends and maybe make some new ones.

    

    Just take some time and figure out who you used to be, who you are now, and who you want to be. Once you figure those out, maybe make some small goals in the direction of who you want to be. Allow yourself to grow on your own without the input and direction of someone who your decisions will no longer effect. Get that tattoo that they didn't want, dye your hair that color, and get your piercing. 

4. Go Out 

    As upsetting as a break up is, staying in the house mourning the lost relationship won't actually help anything. We have to get up and moving! Three days of laying in bed crying is more than enough and it's time to go back out. 

    Call up some friends and make plans. Date yourself! Go have a reasonable amount of retail therapy. Sadly, staying at home will not fix anything, so we must go out instead. Honestly, as long as you're safe, a few rebound dates won't do much harm. Live the life you weren't able to while you were in the relationship. Do all of the things that they held you back from, just be safe and considerate. 

5. Recognize Why They Weren't "IT" 

    This one kind of feels like you're just talking bad about your ex, but it really is for the best. Go through and write down or tell a trusted friend some of the reasons that person wasn't right for you. Explain all of the things that would make you frustrated or annoyed with that person. 

    

    After breaking up with my ex, I realized that I had altered my entire life plan simply for him. Tattoos and piercings that I'd wanted for years were suddenly no longer allowed and my occupational goals had completely changed. My hair was a fully natural color for the first time since middle school. 

    I had become so normal. I say it like that's a bad thing, but for me it is. I took pride in my unique creativity for my entire life, and all the sudden I was no longer myself because of some boy! So I booked an appointment for a tattoo covering my left side and began debating which side of my nose deserved a nose ring. Four months from my 18th birthday, I was ready to go skydiving, pierce my ears again and my nose as well, and buy a bus to renovate into a tattoo parlor and housing situation. 

    Sometimes when we're in a relationship, our personal insight becomes a little clouded, and we have no way or recognizing that until we're out of that relationship. Once we do remove ourselves from that relationship, we can really understand how we changed and why that person wasn't meant for us. 

6. Forgive Both of You

    This is probably the most important part. Whether it was a clean breakup or something messy with more details than you'd probably like to discuss, every relationship has some mistakes. It's hard to look at an old relationship and want to be nice to that person, let alone forgive them for everything that's happened. Or maybe you made some mistakes that you're not too happy about. It is so, so important to forgive your ex and yourself. 

    

    This step is so important because we can not truly move on until we forgive. It can be really difficult and take a lot of time because there are somethings that we simply do not feel like forgiving them for, but we must take that step and forgive them anyway.

    I'm sure this has been established plenty, but breakups are incredibly difficult, especially when it's been a long term or intimate relationship, but sometimes going back simply isn't the best or healthiest option. There will always be second guessing, unanswered questions, and maybe a desire for closure, but a lot of times it's best to leave those thoughts alone. 

    My email is always open for further help, guidance, or communication and please use the comment section to share your experiences and help others.

Thank you guys. I love you all so much <3.