Non-Linear Healing

     From those blessed to the easiest, silver spoon lives to those struggling with severe problems, we all have something to heal from. As difficult as starting the healing process may be, a lot of times staying on that process is even harder. Healing mentally and emotionally are the same as healing physically, it takes rest, a little abnormal exercise, and there are a lot of bad days still in there. To add some support and guidance to your amazing journey of healing, here are some of the things that really helped me along my journey along with my story.

    I was a extremely toxic person and sometimes I still am. I would ruin peoples days just because of my mood, I was always upset, and I chose horrible friends. I put myself in relationships that were abusive, toxic, and sometimes just wrong. Even worse, I gave myself no recovery time. If things ended with a toxic boy, there would be another one in just a few days. I developed eating disorders, horrible anxiety, and had regular depressive episodes. 

    Now, I am single, eat three meals a day, am making good friends, have a steady job that I love, am going to public school and real estate school, taking college classes, working out regularly, and actually love myself for the first time since elementary school. So hopefully these tricks will help you like they did me. 

Non-Linear

    Before beginning your healing and through the entirety of your journey, it is so important to remember nothing is linear. There will be good days and bad days. Sometimes you may feel worse than you did before you even tried to get better, and other days you will feel like you're walking on water. 

    

    Think about when you start working out. Your body is sore for a few days, but after time and dedication, you feel amazing. This is the same. Remembering and confronting old wounds will hurt, but the resulting healing will be worth it in the end. 

Confront Your Hurt

    It would be so, so easy if we could just move on and forget everything that's happened to us and some people can. My dad is amazing at just ignoring the things that hurt him and moving forward. I am not. I have to focus on the things that have caused me the most pain and break it down in my head. 

    When I confront the things and people that hurt me, I rarely actually speak to anyone about it. I learned the hard way that asking the person rarely gets you anywhere. Instead, I go to the place where certain events may have happened, remind myself that people act the way that they usually feel about themselves, and mentally remove their power to hurt me. 

Find A Reason To Heal

    I needed to heal because I knew that I was capable of too many things and I was allowing my internal trauma to hold me back from achieving those things. I wanted to embrace each and everything that life could offer me and my self doubt and personal pain was the only thing holding me back. 

    

    A lot of times we do not heal properly because we either deprive ourselves of a good answer or any answer at all. It's like working out to get 'skinny' versus working out to create a healthy lifestyle. Bad or incorrect goals often produce short term results, bad outcomes, or nothing at all. Finding a sustainable reason to heal is necessary to a good and lasting healing process.

Take It Slow

    Sadly, we cannot go to bed tonight as a depressed bundle of anxiety and magically wake up perfectly healthy just because we want to. Small goals and baby steps are the best way to go through your healing process and get better. Speeding through your healing process can often leave important parts out and leave you wondering why you still have doubts and questions. 

    

    When I began recovering from my eating disorders, my first goal was to eat one meal a day, then add a snack, and then another meal, and then three. We celebrated when I had baby hairs begin to grow to replace those I'd lost when I stopped eating. I cried tears of joy when I realized that my tummy was bumping out a little rather than showing my ribs. If I had gone from eating one fig bar a day to three full meals, I would've gotten nauseous, thrown up, and then given up on the process entirely. Slow steps are the way to go.

Celebrate Small Victories

    If I was waiting until I was where I am now to be proud of myself, I would've never gotten here. Every little thing that happened, I applauded myself for. I ran around my house and showed each and every one of my family members when my baby hairs started growing back. I had a celebratory box of chicken minis after the first night that I went to sleep with no tears. I made each and everyone of my small victories into a celebration because I decided that I deserved it. 

    Small milestones are worth being celebrated and appreciated, even if no one has any clue that you're moving up. Everything you do that is good needs your love. 

There Will Be Good Days, There Will Be Bad Days

    Even now, nearly a year after starting my recovery journey, I will sometimes look at food and get nauseous, thinking that I don't deserve even the bare nutrition that it would provide. Some days I will compare myself to other girls until the sight of myself sickens me. 

    

    Other days, I almost have a God complex. I feel hot, I eat what I want, working out makes me ecstatic, and I have a blast. There are days that I can't even recognize the girl in the prior paragraph. 

    There is and will always be good and bad days. That's just life. We just have to try our best to remember the good even on the bad days and not let it stunt us or our progress. 

Minimize

    Your phone, your friend group, your room, all of it. One of the best things I did was going through who I followed on Instagram and unfollowing a bunch of negative, perverted, or extremely biased people. I blocked a bunch of phone numbers, and deleted tons of contacts. I just completely stopped talking to some of my friends and even limited conversations with certain family members. I sold half of my clothes, threw away majority of my décor, and ever gave away books. 

   Because of this, I can no longer talk to my absolute favorite person more than once or twice a year, but is so important to be picky about who and what influences your life. Negative people and overwhelming things can not only limit your healing and growth but prevent it entirely. 

Find Your Circle

    After minimizing, it's important to expand a little. Know your standards and then go and find a good circle to surround yourself with. While healing and growing, support, motivation, and guidance are all extremely important to keep you on the right track and not give up. My group consists of my parents, my brothers ex girlfriend, my 60 year old co worker, and some temporary people with lessons to teach.

    Just look around and evaluate who you think could be beneficial to you and your journey or people who you could be beneficial to, and pull them close.

    Honestly, recovering and healing from your past can be really difficult and painful, but the growth and freedom that it brings is beyond compare. Never will you look back and wish to be the way before healing, although you may still want some of the things that you once had. 

    I think you're going to be amazing and you are capable of so many amazing things. I love you and I hope you get everything you want in life. <3